Assignment #1



Perfect Morning

I woke up at 9 am on the couch and finished a flat Sprite and a half eaten box of Cheez-It's. Fuck I love Cheez-It's. I even ate a few that had fallen on the carpet; I'm not even ashamed. After World War 3 occurred in the bathroom I decided to Spite my asshole by nuking a couple of frozen White Castle's and some Tejas Toast; my asshole's not the boss of me. Then I did what any guy in his mid-twenties and jobless does, I turned on TBS and JACKPOT: SVU MARATHON!!! If you haven't wasted a working week-day watching a Law & Order: SVU Marathon just get out; just get the hell right out of here.

For starters: why the fuck does everybody think Stabler has an anger problem? "OMG Stabler's losing it again..." Wow you're really surprised he wants to beat up a guy who molests and kills children? No shit idiot; I'm surprised he's not ripping heads off. One Perp, I'd last one Perp. Don't fuck with Stabler.

First episode Benson and Stabler got into it because Stabler thought the victim was lying and Benson thought she was telling the truth. Oh hot hot Benson always laying down the hammer for the victims; Classic Benson. I'd give up a full Couch Cushion for Benson. I'd shower for Benson. Benson can make me her Special Victim anytime she wants; and I say Victim because she would destroy me in bed like a feeding tiger. For the love of Christ, can the writers of that show put her in a fucking bathing suit ONCE. Be reasonable. Anyway, turns out the victim did get raped, but was lying about who it was. Stabler and Benson get closer while understanding where the other is coming from. SVU problems, right.

Second episode was one of those episodes where they solve the crime in the first twenty minutes and then the rest of the time is filled with some judicial loophole they have to find their way around. Hate those fucking episodes.

Third episode was a back story episode for Dr. Wong. DR. WOOOONG. I have a love/hate relationship with Wong. I hate when he says a perp is mentally impaired who chopped up ten kids. Fucking eh right they're impaired; zap that bitch and call it a day. But, Wong's like my morality compass for this show; he always does the right thing and when a perp is faking mental disability, Wong unravels them like the most tangled Chevy Chase Christmas light string you can ever imagine. Love that movie; big Wong fan. Wong and Stabler will go at it every once in a while; Rock always beats Paper.

Ice -T...OG...always on point. Ice-T being a cop just isn't believable all the time; he's too street. BUT, I do believe that Ice-T would lay a beatin on some sickies. The Captain...telling people constantly to cool off; "Don't tell me to fucking chill." Let me tell you something about the Captain though, one of the boys for sure. Cragen used to go 12 rounds with the boys at the bar; not so much anymore.

Then I watched like ten more episodes; you watch the first five minutes and you basically have to watch the rest.

I give Law & Order:SVU: 10/10 Couches


Don't fuck with Stabler!

-Johnny Guns