Enemy Number One
Ding, Ding.
Round 1: I remember the first time I was thrown from a horse.
Round 2: I was five years old visiting my Aunt Gale and her husband at their horse ranch up on the side of this big cliff in New Hampshire. I had just gone through the abandonment of my mother, and my father flew me and my brothers from LAX to Manch Vegas (Manchester, NH) to spend time with family. Gale's husband picked me up and sat me on the large beast; my Aunt had been into horses from a very young age and as she held the horses face in front of me, I could only imagine her love had been passed down the same way. Gale began to walk the horse with me on top, gently and with care, but I was an angry youth and wanted to run so I squeezed and the horse popped. BAM! I remember vividly the feeling of the moment I hit the ground. Frozen. Stunned. Pain creeping over the shock. After Gale's husband dusted me off, Gale grabbed me in a warm bear hug and I'll never forget what she said, "Get back up on the horse; You're going to be just fine."
Round 3: When I was 18, Gale sat the family down and told us she had Breast Cancer. She told us she would fight it. She told us the Cancer would not ruin her life. She told us that she would not accept any pity, shame, or sadness from herself or from her family. We immediately believed her; that's who she was to us. She didn't accept any pity, shame, or sadness from herself or from her family. She did not let the cancer ruin her life. She fought it. She beat it. And Gale didn't have Cancer anymore. She was always a beacon in our lives for support and strength. She was as solid as they came and we proudly told people her story.
Round 4: Then Gale died, nine years later. There was a complication during surgery because of the treatment she had received years earlier. The day before she died my father had called me and told me to e-mail Gale to cheer her up because I was living in California and couldn't go visit her. I planned to order her flowers the next day when I went into the office. I didn't e-mail. The next day before I had the chance to order the flowers, my father called me and told me what had happened. I never e-mailed her.
Round 5: Sixteen months after, I was shown the trailer for the documentary, "What the F@#- is Cancer and Why Does Everybody Have It?" It's the story of Author/Filmmaker, A.W.Gryphon, and her battle against Breast Cancer. The first 20 seconds blasts: "Getting Cancer...I think it pissed her off." It was the only hook I needed. This women's story, rattling around in my brain like an unfed animal, was my Ghost of Christmas Past and as much as my Conservative Blame-Shuffling Liberal Give-Up Attitude wanted to look away, I couldn't. I saw a fighter; and it made me want to fight.
Round 7: Seven days later, I got to speak with A.W.Gryphon about her documentary and subsequent foundation it stemmed, The Why? Foundation. "Why did you choose to deal with Cancer with a more heavy handed attitude than others would?" "You know, I've never really thought of it that way. Looking back I know I had a heavy handed attitude, but I was just doing what felt right and going at it in the only way that made sense for me." "Why did you choose to create a documentary as opposed to writing a novel, which is also your wheelhouse?" "When I was diagnosed with cancer I was handed a jaw dropping amount of reading material. It was totally overwhelming. I was diagnosed on a Wednesday and by Saturday I was in overload. The amount of reading materials were daunting so I went to Netflix looking for a movie that would give me an overview before I dug in. I couldn't find what I needed and I was floored. Working in the movie business I said, fuck it, we have got to do this. I sent an e-mail out to everyone I could think of and what I got back still brings tears to my eyes. Hollywood showed up in a huge way and now here we are, with a movie coming out in January and a web series coming out later in the year."
Round 8: "If people are so supportive now a days with foundations and awareness months, why does Cancer still feel so lonely and how does your foundation, The Why? Foundation, handle this challenge?" "The Why? Foundation, like the movie, brings together all of the things I, and many people I met along the way, wanted but couldn't find in one place. I wanted answers, solutions, ideas, support and most of all straight up honesty. The tag line of The Why? Foundation is 'Fighting cancer on the ground level, day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-to-minute' and that's exactly what we're about. That said, it's still lonely. When you get right down to it, it's you alone with an enemy that is living inside your body...an enemy that knows how to navigate your physical self better than you do and there are no words for how scary that is. Cancer is an extraordinary symphony of destruction. It's incredibly important to have love and people around you, but that doesn't change the fact that you're staring down the barrel of your own mortality all by yourself. What I hope The Why? Foundation can do is provide strength, knowledge and support that is backed by real experience to let cancer fighters know that even though they are lonely, they are not alone." "When faced with your own mortality, does the 'How' ever relieve the 'Why's'?" "I've never wondered why me. Why not me? Why not me when you look at the statistics? My "Why's" came from a lot of misunderstandings, incorrect advice and confusing information about cancer in our society rather than from "Why Me?". I found myself saying "Why?" primarily because I wanted real answers and real back up for those answers. I asked "Why?" and that's how The Why? Foundation" came to be. We're going to answer as many "Why?"s as we can here."
Round 9: Four hours after the interview I found myself back on the foundation website staring at the screen. The Why? Foundation began it's roots in the documentary. It's sole purpose was to support, listen, share, and inspire those affected by Cancer. They used everything from legitimate sourced factoids about Cancer to "Creative Ways to Fight Cancer." They only exist to help. They could always use more help.
Round 10: That night I sat thinking. After all the conversations and readings and watchings and sharings, you can't help but feel revived. That's the thing about truly inspirational material; no matter what mood you enter with, you're forced to leave inspired. And that's all well and good and flowery. But at the end of the day, in the five minute gap after you close your eyes in bed and before you fall asleep, and you're all alone with just yourself and whatever creator you believe in, that lingering resentment grabs hold of even your most gracious self and you realize the fight isn't over.
Round 11: The following morning this somehow found me, “I will never attend an anti-war rally; if you have a peace rally, invite me.” - Mother Teresa. This quote reminded me what the deeper goal was here. The thing Cancer really took from anybody it touched was their peace of mind. The goal was always to find peace. That's really what A.W.Gryphon and The Why? Foundation is all about. They help others find peace of mind.
Round 12: Dear Gale, My dad told me you are in the hospital for some chest pains. I'm sure it's nothing. Grandpa had three different types of Cancer, two major strokes, and one minor stroke and he lived to be 87, this should be a cake walk for you haha. I'm here for anything you need and we'll talk soon. Love You, -X.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...That's It!
"It ain't over 'til I say it's over, enough when I say enough." -Em, Survival.
I win.
Ding, Ding.
-Johnny Guns
